What a day it has been today from the moment I got up it was stress, I have only just come down from it all now, I do hope tomorrow is better... I have been reading that some of the meds I am on are a little addictive in ways so think it was not a good Idea to stop them for a bit... not sure if I was reading it right but it sounds like they are and can make me one grumpy git!! not sure what I am doing tomorrow as I have to wait in for the post again what I am waiting for better turn up or Newlook will be getting a kicking, its not easy to type this as I have coconut oil on my hair and it is all over my hands and my mouse :) "Dont ask" well need a bath to wash this out..... ..... ...... ..... .....
I am starting to get a little more confident every day and its starting to feel great I will not let anyone and I mean anyone take this away from me, if someone does try they lose me so there :) I am for the first time starting to feel happy in myself not sure why but I do something has just clicked inside me so watch out people here I come and I dont think its going to slow down.... I have some new shoes for tomorrow and a great pair of jeans... I am in the next weeks going to go and see my doctor I now 100% want the full op I need things gone asap... I know its not going to go down well with some people but who cares I say get the fuck over it or get the fuck out..... well going to bed need my sleep :) Night all xx
Today has been a long hard day having to hide who I am for even just a minuet hurts like hell, I wish I could just be one person 24 hours a day but not going to happen.. to get told by a family member that my hair colour is the reason why I dont get to see my daughter much was not just stupid it was nasty, just because I don't fit in to my family's idea of normal does not mean I don't have feelings, I was hurt and am still hurting by the way I am getting treated if anyone even thinks they can treat me this way and I will change and be what they think a person should be is a dumb shit indeed.. I am smarter than all of them put together and will get more from life as I have been able to see life through both male and female eyes, well I say male I have never really been male just made people think I am... but still know what it is like.. its getting late for me so I need sleep now will update in the morning if I get a chance xx
Today I did something I never thought I would ever do I got rid of everything male... and to tell the truth it feels so good to be starting all over again.. but this time I am doing it the right way, the way I should have done it years ago.... I will never in my life let anyone or anything tell me what or who I am.... I have take so much shit over the last year from people well no longer I will let this get to me at all... I know who I am 100% and I love being me so so much.. I might not have all the right parts (YET) but I am more woman than a lot of females I know... I know I am going to have days of feeling bad but I know I will get over them and move on.... sometimes its very hard this is because some people make it that way for me but I no know how to handle that... all I have to do is tell them to go and do one.. my life and I will live it the way I want to and if that means not having anything to do with some people well so be it... today has been hard in so many ways 1.. saying good bye to the everything I have had for years not because I liked them but because I knew it was a little bit of safety in some way.. maybe like a child has a safety blanket if you get what I mean... I think I needed to do this this for myself... I know some people will be thinking what is she going on about, what a load of rubbish..... but this was my little bit of my life I have got rid of... its not been a life I have been happy in but still it was my life I had... and I am glad to have done this at last never thought I would I was even trying to hold onto some things thinking I might need them.. but I got the strength to just get shut now I am free to move on and live the life that should have been living for so long... well going to get a bath need to shave my legs... got a nice skirt for fruit po
I took a new photo today :: I am still feeling a little down but not as bad as the other day not sure why I have days like that I just hope one day I will never have them again.. I have 100% decided to go for the full op now and I dont care what anyone says if you dont like it well please go away.. I know this is going to come as a shock to my family but I dont care I need to be happy and right now thinking about if I should or not is hurting me so I dont want to hurt any more... think I decided when I started looking into doing it myself I then realized wow this shit is getting out of hand so I need to see a doctor asap to get started... I dont want the parts between my legs any longer than I have to it is starting to make me sick every time I look at it.. I have even been cutting a little down there to this has now stopped and I hope will not happen again but cant be to sure as I dont know how I will feel this time next week... well going now here is photo :)
I am starting to get fed up with everything now I will never go anywhere with anything my life we have to just be like it was years ago now... every day is the same no change at all I need to try and program my brain to be male and stop all this right away.... I am not happy one bit to tell the truth I feel like hanging myself from the nearest tree today... to have something you want and need so bad and knowing it will never happen is killing me think I will start by shaving my hair off tonight about time I got into the real world now and as for this site I might remove the blog and just let the site run...........
I have been looking how others are getting on with everything and then I look at me this is starting to get me down so much... I am starting to think would it be the easy option just to block out who I am and not even bother doing anything about it, I know this would make a lot of people very happy... wish I could just be the person I was born to be now and not wait I am going nowhere at all right now with this... all i am doing is hitting a brick wall the same I have all my life if was not for the kids and tam I would be dead now I am always thinking of ways to end this pain but then I BOTTLE out like everything in my life I bottle it.... I just need some help but dont know where to turn..... no more to say going to get a bath with a toaster.... only messing would get crumbs in there plus I would most l
Being Transgender or Gay is not a choice, being Transphobic or Homophobic is, so don't be a Twonk