Yesterday My son was born it has been one of the best days of my life.. with all the worry over the last 9 months and to see the little man out and all healthy was such a relief, and my wonderful partner is doing great, I have so much to thank this girl for, I cant even put it to words... I now have 2 wonderful babies both with red hair :).... if all goes well they should be home tomorrow... well here is a photo of my little man ...
its been a long hard week and its all about to start getting harder, my wonderful other half will be having the baby on Monday... I am still a little worried about this I hate not knowing, and to top this all off I don't even know if my family will come down... I know my older brother is not going too as he does not like the fact that I am Trans.. but that's his problem not mine, not sure I care at all as I have a lovely family who love me for me here, and the rest can accept it or well I know its harsh but they can get out of my life all together as I have more things to worry bout than them, like if my little unborn son is going to be born ill... chances are very high.. ... so I think I just might need to get a little sleep today it was a late night.... well off to get my little boy his breakfast before he starts chucking his toys at me again :)
I hate having to do this but I can see no other way I have put a Donate button on the site, one on the front page and one on this bog page at the top, I know I could go down the line of advertising but this site is free of that.. I do not want pop ups all over the place, this site was made for information not to make money at all... ...
I have only jut noticed that on the 27th of this month my subscription on this site will run out, at this time I do not have the funds to renew it, I know its only a very small amount but every single penny is counted for, for the next 2 or 3 months.. unless I can find a way to fund it I am going to have to close until I can... if anyone has an Idea please give me a shout :) x
The weather is better and so the legs are coming out :) I never used to like the sun but I am loving it now...its been a long hard week or so first of all my mum, dad and the rest that did not know about me found out.. it has not gone down well at all, think its lucky I am not fully gay I am just a little gay :) but what people have to remember is I am happy now, today I read something on Facebook, it said... parents are supposed to love you for who you are and not for what they want you to be, well this goes for everyone, well I think so!! on a good not I have got loads more followers on Twitter in the last day or 2... I even have the one and only Peter price this guy I used to listen to on the radio every single night :) well go and check him out:@PeteCityPrice well must pop off now need to eat...
I am is so much pain my face feels like its on fire, I am not sure how to make it better it's getting so stressful I just need my face hair gone for good, but no one can help I don't have the money to get it done cant ask people to help too...
Not sure what is up with me I am feeling so trapped and feel like I have no escape, I have already burnt my face today trying to remove the hair... not sure I can cope any more.. the more I try the more I get knocked right back... today I am right at the end of it all and oh fuck it i am going now !!
Turn away from them, if you cannot love them as they are
Run away now from them if you are not willing to Accept them for what they have finally decided to be in their lives
Search your souls if you dare
To see just why you are so very afraid of someone who is not that much different from you
Suddenly in a bright brust of self realization
You might just discover something new about you
Empty your hearts of hate and of fear
Allow yourself to see that change is not always bad
Don't just think the person is a freak
understand that they to are human
Understand that it is done because they feel lost inside
Embrace them and you may just find There is a whole new world out there to explore Beyond the rose tinted glasses of deeply hidden fear and doubt that you wear as a cold mask to hide away your own inner pain....
Its about time I put this back I cant let things stop me from updating as what message is this sending out to people who read it, if you hit a little trouble hide away, well this is not me I do not hide I am open and this is the way everyone should be, no one ever said life was easy and to tell the truth easy would be boring, we all need a little mayhem in our lives, and if someone is talking about me well I must be important lol... in the last two day I have been getting bad chest pains I put this down to stress, stress from close one and the stress of the not knowing if my unborn son is going to born Down syndrome well I know what is more important and the rest can just get over it, if I am still having pains I do think a doctors is the next step for me... well must go need to get rest now :) x
I was informed today that My Mum and Dad now know about me, this has always been something I wanted to tell them, I am not sure if I am angry or relieved but what is done is done now . I know they where not told everything as not everyone knows everything, this might come from me in time I just hope I do not get any crap over it I can not change who I am, I have lived all my life hiding this and I did a good job of it, I am way way to old now to hide. this has been a part of my life since I can remember, hiding in bed rooms with mums clothes and sisters, this is something they never knew I did, I even used to sell female clothes on markets, I did hide it very well I had to learn to do this, it was never easy growing up in my house with attitudes of some people.. I did try to be very macho to try and fit in, shaved head and all that crap... I never knew what was wrong with me until one day I found the internet and searched things and boom it hit me.... I am a little stuck now as where to go from here with them, I dont want to lose them but I will not go back to the way I was, this is not even an option.. I am so happy right now and it would be wrong to even think I could go back to the person I was.... I would kill myself first and thats not a joke I would be dead than feel like I did.. I am even Bisexual something people dont know.. always have been always will.. and yes I have been with men before... I just wonder if people looked back at my life I remembered how many girls I have been with 5 in 37 years and they never lasted at all and I even went 10 years not even wanting to be with an other girl but in that time I was with men on and off, something I was good at hiding too... so I can not change being Bi or Trans and dont wish to its me the real me the happy me the me that want to enjoy life.. I will always have open arms to all my family no matter what I love each one and that will never change ... x
I will be getting my hair cut tomorrow and I can't wait, I am getting a graduated bob I do think it will look great I will pop some photos up as soon as I can.... I am now using a iPhone to update so it's a little better and can do it more... I do think it's time to sell the blackberry now as its no good to do this.... Xx
Being Transgender or Gay is not a choice, being Transphobic or Homophobic is, so don't be a Twonk