I hope this sun goes soon and the cold weather starts.... I had no sleep last night because of the Champix stupid dreams.. now do I stop them or do as the nurse says and put more crap in my body.. I have just taken one and feel sick!!..... we have a bit to do today need to go shopping its my mums birthday tomorrow and it was my sisters yesterday... we have my sisters, we got all the birthday presents in January for the year so yay us lol but need to get mum something nice its just what... we will be going to see her tomorrow so hope we find something before then... I also hope I get no shit about what I am wearing not sure my tight jeans will go down well but what the hell its all I have lol its better than a short skirt so I think they should be thankful that I dont turn up in a short skirt boots and tits out lol and thats one other thing it is getting harder to hide them now and will be even harder when I start the meds soon so I think they are just have to get over it and accept me for who I am.... this I cant hide much longer, I will not dress down.. I will respect them and not go full on but will never deny anything so if asked I have to tell the truth..
Right I need sleep and I also need quiet and dark so please no noise and put the stupid light out.... this is all I need so why when I am just falling off to sleep every night I get poked not in a good way but to ask if I locked the doors.. this is every night some nights I even feel like taking the doors to bed with me so she can see them... I might just have to drug her or wake her up and say have you shut the washing machine door??? we have to be careful as we dont want a flood in the kitchen.... I am also a little worried about a frien who has not been in contact for a week or two I think he needs to get his arse in order and say hi in my contact page :) do it now boy lol well off to bed... and TAM THE BLOODY DOORS ARE LOCKED
I am back :) I have not updated because I have had one or two problems with people and did not want to get angry on here, also someone has been hacking into my emails so best to keep things quiet.... but now all looks like its back to normal. all has been good over the weekend one or two little nagging things but I can put the phone down so they are not a problem, I am off to Wales on Friday that should be fun, not sure if my daughter will be there as she has got herself into a little bit of crap with her mum.... well she should not chuck glasses at her silly little girl she is... and drinking vodka at the age of 14!! well not on my bloody watch thank you if I catch her doing that her little size fours will not touch the ground, teenagers I cant remember being like that lol...,.
its not been a bad day in all this morning I went to see my counsellor glad I went as we had a good chat about things, and to tell the truth I did think I was going to be told that this is all in my head and I was a nut ball lol... but instead I was told to go and see my doctor to get everything moving along.. so again I have been a tit as a friend said today... so now I have to get in to see the doctor and get an appointment to see a mental health shrink... just to make sure I dont have any mental issues lol like this is something I would have.... once they have seen me I can then move on with everything... this is going to take some time to get all this done but once it is I am not going to stop going forward and if its not liked well all I can say is FUCK YOU :) I will do what I need to get where I want to be... well off to bed need sleep we have got a hell of a long day tomorrow.. I will be driving 200 miles round trip inbetween I will be going to a party :) and then driving home very late... so Night x
I have got the gender counsellor tomorrow not sure I want to go, I am not sure its the right thing to do right now I do want to go forward with things but I still think they are going to ask way to much from me.... what they will give me to help I can get myself so why go through all this crap of changing names and shit right away this I will do in my own time when I feel the time is right... I will go and see what is going to be said tomorrow and if I find it all a little off putting I will make it my last for now.. until I can be fully open to everyone this I cant do and to tell the truth its starting to piss me off so much that I have to hide away and worry what will happen if people find out... so do I wait until people have grown up or passed away so I can be me this could be another 20 years or more..... fuck I don't know what to do... but I suppose this is what tomorrow is for... I just hate talking to people I don't know...... ell Good night x
I was not going to update this tonight as not sure it matters much any more.. I am probably the only one who reads it and to tell the truth I am a little boring... but I have done it I will be changing the address of the site soon so if you want the new address please email me and then I can start saying what I want and not keep things back
Than god its time for bed I need sleep so bad.. I just hope the little one is not up as early again.. I did not get up with him today my beautiful other half did :) but I am up tomorrow with kids to do the school run as I dont want tam using the car she only went the shop today and I got a phone call saying she had broke the seat... then she came in and told me she was stopped by some crazy woman who could have smashed the car up the she only wend and drove over loads of glass.. so I hope I dont have to change a tyre tomorrow morning... if I snap a nail I will go mad its taken me ages to get them like this... well of to sort myself out and then to bed Night Nigh
its been a long hard day I had to go shopping this morning I did take the kids with me and we went to get a coffee well I did they got a hot chocolate :) then we went to take advantage of the offer in boots on No7 products so I got £5 off a nice black nail polish, then we went to pound land and seen some great polish colours and good makes too so we just had to buy some then I left the kids in town with some cash, I then came home and watched a little TV before going to Asda to get baby milk and I had a £10 voucher to use up so well it was back to the make up lol.... and got some nutella :) I am not feeling so good tonight think it might be the champix this better not keep doing this or I will be coming off them I cant cope with feeling sick at all well off to sort little man out so we can get some sleep :)
My god my arm is hurting stupid me has just fell down the stairs, I must be getting old... went to town today got what I needed but might need to get more tomorrow, but not for me :( also did a nice pan of scouse for everyone and we still have some left for lunch tomorrow... well need to go to bed night
I called my daughter tonight and she said sorry for what she said, it might have been better if it was her that called me and said it but think that would be a little much to ask.... kids today need a good arse smack it never did me any harm... I have always been well against things like this but I am starting to think this is what's wrong with kids today no discipline at all... we have to pop into town tomorrow and I just might need a little cash only a little that's if my other half says its ok... :) today has been quiet not done much just sorted kids hope tomorrow is a little more exciting lol well off to get baby
Why do children think it is ok to be such little brats... they turn on you... when you cant give and think it is ok to talk to you like you are crap.. well this fucking mug has now put a stop to that if my little witch of a daughter wants money from me she better start getting her arse down to see me... I will give her this time with a little message that its the bloody last she will see from me until she comes down to see me... what she has done tonight has made my piss boil..... no more she has pushed it a little far now... well on to important things "ME" I have been off the cigarettes now for a week and other than feeling a sleepy at the start I am feeling good full of energy and I can breath and smell again... I just found out my farts do smell lol I dont think I will be going on them again ever... well I cant I want to start treatment as soon as I can but I know this will not happen with the NHS any time soon its a long wait but I know I will be healthy when I do :~)
I have noticed one or two changes over the last two days things are hurting more :) pain is always good I am off to see the counsellor on the 22nd I am looking forward to this... I am a little done in and need sleep so off to sort baby out now and the jump into bed me thinks.. I have a long day tomorrow lots of running around to do.....Night :) x
strange morning its been I will not say what lol I have not been out the cash flow will not let me but tomorrow I get to go shopping if we have time :) I do need one or 7 things... but we need to watch the money we have to pay out this month
no smoking still and it has been 6 days yay me, and I am now happy that Tam has started to give in too... I do feel much better than I have for a long time... it has been a hard day lots of crap going on in the house I do hope tomorrow will be better than today.. I do feel like a smoke today and I am doing my best not to give in to it :)........ well off to bed now need sleep I will update more I think as I have been no
we are now back home after a long weekend, just wish I had the time to see people for longer but we will when we are up there in 2 weeks I will make sure of that, not sure what is going on in my life right now everything feels wrong I am getting told everything is fine but I have been told this all my life I know when something is not right I am not silly, I am starting to think I should just put everything on hold now, after all it was not me that got this out in the open, but I can send it back in my head and not let it back out. I am starting to think things should go back to the way they where a year ago, but on a good note its 5 days on Monday since I stopped smoking and it is getting a lot better I can now cope with it it was hard I did not think it would be but it was, I now need to think how long I should stay on the champix for.. well off to bed now Night xx
Been out most of the day went to see my nephew play football, for a little kid he is like a steam roller lol we had to miss the party because the baby was not a happy little chap.. we will be going out somewhere quiet tonight for a drink well I dont drink so coke for me, as money is low we will have to take it easy, unless someone emails me back ROB.... we shold be home early tomorrow as the weather is going to turn bad and I dont want to get caught in it....
In Liverpool now and cant believe how loud it is... and to top it off my daughter did not bother to get me a birthday card... for the second year in a row but thats ok I am only her dad... I am sure if I was her step dad the one who is a dirty fucking scum racist who is also homophobic dip shit, I would have been acknowledged in some way... . not sure I will be in the best of moods to see this guyn Sunday..... but I am not upset or mad in any way I am quiet... and she is my daughter and I love her very much.... lots of things to day are pissing me off so I am over reacting I think plus I need to smoke the need is more than the need to stop...... so I
Up and been out I had to take kids to school that was fun a little bit of back chat to start the day lol and to top it off one of them had there shirt stuck down the under wear and you could see it... I did try and tell them but they had such a cob on they would not listen lol I did try ... then we had to go into town to sort school stuff out and get some nail polish and a nail buffer.... and a big bag of chocolate plus lunch and coffee, so its been a fun morning. we are then off off Liverpool later for the weekend going to see my daughter :)
I have not had one cigarette today at all I hope I can keep it up, its not been easy and I am finding it hard to keep my mind off them, the champix do help with it a little but it is more will power and I don't have much of that any more. if I want to start moving on and taking what is needed to do that I will need to keep off them, I don't want to risk my health now.... I have not been out today only on the school run we had to wait in for the the Doctor.. but she was a little late so messed up the day a bit so wee are off into town tomorrow I need to go the sweet shop and get a load of choc lick MmmmMMMmmm well if I stay off the fags I should treat myself with some :)
Max Factor 2 in 1 serum is just great if you have never tried this before go and get it, its cheap enough... it makes your face look so much younger and helps remove all the little lines we get... I don't have to many lol but it did take most of them away more around my eyes.... I can help with some money off vouchers if you want just let me know and I will send you some out in the post UK only sorry... I am feeling a little hungry now even after my late lunch, not sure what to have as I don't want to cook or eat crap........
Awww step daughter started high school today, she looked so grown up.... and I got to take her on her first day :) now she can walk lol only messing... there is a bus. There was a knock on the door before and postman with a box with loads of Max factor 2 in 1 foundation plus loads of money off vouchers for boots, so I know where I will be tomorrow.... right off to get sorted
Need sleep I hope I don't keep waking up tonight, I think it might be the champix so I will have a chat to the nurse tomorrow about it... I am still feeling a little off think I need to eat less lol or not eat at all I have put so much on over the last 3 weeks I need to lose it now so diet for me... well bed time :)
Not much sleep again this is starting to become a pain in the bum I keep waking up then dropping off, I am going to go to bed early tonight and take a pill or two and see if that will help, I need to get enough sleep because we are going out on Saturday night just the two of us Wow its been a year and a half so a meal Tam can have a drink and we might even go and watch Jane Eyre..... now all I have to do is think about what to wear :).... its going to be a full day Saturday morning I am going to see my little nephew play football and then go to his birthday party, he does not know I am going to be going so I hope its a nice surprise for him :) or he might think god I only seen you 3 weeks ago lol..... well what ever we do I am sure it will be fun :)
its time for bed now and about time too :) today has been ok well the afternoon was I started feeling a little like me again my head has sorted its self out and it is going to stay that way, and if anyone tries to mess it up I will set Tam on them, got lots on tomorrow, going into town to sort some things out I will try my best to keep away from buying anything..... or NOT lol I have to buy one or 3 things I will try not to spend much...
Feeling much better now I had a sleep sorted myself out that did take a little bit lol and went out shopping for food and spent up but we have food for the week and some of next week, then my beautiful lady made the best tea it looks like crap but yum I could eat it every day. I need to keep up with everything now because I do feel better when I spend a little time on myself, but when I have family down I let myself go a bit, not sure why I should have to put a front on for people but I do this is not going to last because it is starting to get had to hide things well 2 things lol they will be noticed in the end. I am a little stressed that I have to wear a coat or something to hide myself I should not have to be stressed...... change of
Being Transgender or Gay is not a choice, being Transphobic or Homophobic is, so don't be a Twonk