Think I have started to get the hang of Twitter now its taken a long time sure I am getting dumb, It has been a very trying day to say the least... I have been up and down all day I cant wait until it is over... went into town shopping and that was fun had a nice lunch with my step daughter... then came home to a total drama where she had one of her moments... that upset me a little that she could be so wonderful one minuet then BOOOM!! go off but I quess thats kids for you.. then I get a call from my mum telling me my dad had taken bad and they where waiting on an ambulance for him...as I live a 100 miles away and the car is not working I could do nothing but wait for phone calls to see if he was ok.. the worst hours I can ever remember.. I just have to wait now for an other phone call to see if he is ok... now I am stuck I cant let them know about me just yet but I cant hide it so they will find out soon... only when I know the time is right, I no longer dress male and why should I..... a lot of people know around my family and this will come out and I want it to be from me so I just hope I get the chance.. I have been thinking about putting a Karla TV Channel on the site so I can see how much I am changing this is only an Idea and will only do it if people think it is a good idea so please let me know what you think.... well I am off to get a bath now need to soak the stress away before I end up ill..... xx
just been into town and it was full of kids :( hate it when you cant much because kids are all over the place.... back home now to a total shit fit from the step daughter... and the baby is on one too.... and I need a sleep..... just think I might go out in the car and sleep on a car park it will be nice and quiet........ moan over :)
Aww that was so sad wish it was not the end of my transsexual summer, I know just how they are feeling.. I wish I had a family like Donna and Drew... I would give anything for that.... well you never know hay :) on a other note this is strange for me I have found my self being attracted to a trans girl I always thought I was straight or am I my god this is confusing if I was single I would not say no to Donna at all... does this make me gay, straight or bi... answers please lol well I have a lovely lady who means the world to me I love her to bits dont know what I would do with out her...
#transsummer is on tonight the last one, I do hope they will do more. I have now been on meds fully for about a month.. not noticing much change... but this could be because I have been taking things for years and years... I used to even take my mums HRT patches I did this for years... Not sure she ever noticed they where gone :) but the effect over the years have been quite good... but now I have gone down the right road and getting the right treatment.... I just wish they could make me braver as I still worry about what people are thinking... I went out yesterday in tight jeans well totally female, knee boots ... I was in town and I didnt get any remarks or looks that I noticed... not sure anyone wanted there arse kicked by a transsexual any way lol.... for the first time I was myself, and the first time I have been truly happy... I just hope this is something I can feel for the rest of my life.. but I was informed that I dress female all the time any way this I did not notice still dont... I need to just not worry about what people think about me... .... well getting ready now for #transsexual
I never told them today I did not get the chance as we where never alone and also they had to drive home it would have been bad of me to drop this on them and let them drive so far, I am going to do it not sure when I just hope they can accept me for me and see past their exception of what they think I should be, I know I was born with a thing between my legs but that is all that made me a male the rest of me was and still is female, my mind my thoughts every little part of me. people are being killed every day all over the world, people are losing loved ones every second of every day, I am still here I am not going anywhere I could have a crippling illness or months to live, but I dont all I am is a female trapped in this body... all I want is to release my self from the torment I have felt all my life, I can see a light at the end of the dark road I have had to walk all my life hiding in the dark hopping no one will find out, but their is just one little shadow on the road stopping me reaching the light I have wanted to reach for so long, all I am asking is for you to shine a torch and help me find my way past... I will still be me just better happier... and No I have never been happy I have become very good at hiding away for people... not showing my true self... not sure I can go on much longer running away from who I am, if I was a bad person I could understand but I have never done anything bad in my life and never will... I know there are some people who say they are ok with me but I know its all a lie they just dont want me spoiling there special little lives.. well NEWS FLASH there not that special we all have our little secrets... so stop for one minuet and think what would you do if you was me.. No dont think I will tell you, you would shut all this to the back of your mind and continue living your life just so you dont look bad and conform to every day life.. and what is life? well its something you live every day or is it think you get up wash, eat, shit, get dressed and follow the rest of the crowd exactly the same every day... well I dont I follow my heart!! and that is what makes me different from you.. I am me I dont follow or conform to anything I have my own mind and can think for myself , if someone says jump I have the mind to say "go fuck yourself" if you had one week to live you would do things different..... so go out and live every day like its your last, you never know when death is waiting around the corner to fuck you over... and when you see your life flash before your eyes then and only then will you see that you have missed so much by following the crowd.. well thats my rant thing over if you dont like it... walk with the rest of the zombies and do as they do but remember this one day you will regret it and then it to late to change.... Good night sleep tight and dont let the bed bugs bite xxxxxx
My mum and dad are on there way they are about 20 minuets away lets hope it all goes well... I have this funny feeling I am going to get asked questions as soon as they get here.... I just hope they are ready for the truth but I think if you dont want to know something dont ask the question this is now in there hands... I will let you know how it goes as soon as they go... I am not going to tell them if they ask I will tell... I will wait until they are home and not driving with this in there head... I was asked yesterday if I was sure I wanted to do this as there is no going back once I do... well I cant go back now it has all gone way to far and even if I could I would not want to why would I want to live a lie... anyway go to go and get ready
Family will be down tomorrow morning and my plan was to tell them all about me now this will have to go on hold unless I am questioned about it, I will not lie or hide so its possible it will all come out tomorrow... if not it will be out before the end of next week that is that... I have removed my nail polish and make up and will be back to the thing I hate most in the world for a day but as soon as they are gone I will be back to who I am... not sure I have any male thing I will have to look if not I will have to just put something better on..... I might even put a little make up on just to push it a little.... well need sleep good night xx
What a great show tonight, Drew made up she got the job :) and Donna bloody hell how nice is she ;) just wish my family would be as good about me as there family is of them.. well we will see just dropped the biggest hint I could on facebook... lets hope they get onto it :)
I have got my family coming up on Thursday and I am planning on telling them about me, now most of them know but my mum, dad, brother and older sister this is not going to be an easy task at all, for starters my dad is very homophobic and my mum well she just follows what ever he says. if they where to walk in right now I would not have to tell them they could see, but I have to dress and fake it again like I have for years just to make them happy. this time it will be a little different... this has to come out and will, so it will be best from me not from a 3rd party. the million dollar question is will they take it without having a total shit fit you never know they might be fine with it or they could just go and I never see them again both would be hard but I will get over it in time. I can not live my life to make others happy any longer... I do think I make a better woman than a man men are so stupid and only think with their dicks..... I have also decided I want the full operation this is going to be well in the future but something I want more than anything. Today I tried something on and it felt so right, right then I knew I was on the right road with my life as before doubts where creeping in my head now and then, this I put down to stress and worry what people think like my family and my other family here in the good old west midlands... I then had to get changed from what I wanted to wear to something a little toned down, but why should I have to do this why the fuck WHY I hate it so much it is starting to hurt and not sure I can cope any more with it I feel like I am on the edge right now I dont show it because I have become a master at hiding emotion I have had too with all the years of hiding away from people and not being me.... I would give anything just to be who I am and go out I hope one day I can.... but will not hold my breath, by the way my transsexual summer is on tonight c4 10pm watch it :)
its not long now until Christmas and the only thing I want is for everyone in my life to know about me I hate hiding things it is hurting me so much I am not as tough as people think if you could see my inside you would know... I have been having hormone treatment now for some time that is something people don't know about me.. my boobs have grown so much it cant be hidden and I should not have to hide it sick to death of worrying what some people will say.. its about time people understand and get over it.. from this day I will be who I want to be and if its not what people want then they can get out my life as I need to be me now, the pain inside is getting to much to handle and I need to release Karla... I know its not going to go down well with some people but that is their problem not mine I can be happy and I will not let anyone take that from me.. and I mean no one... and if this is ok with people and you are happy with me being female for christmas I would like some new make up some nice eye shadow will do and please no male things every year I have to smile and say thank you and the re gift them to a real guy so female stuff please
Just watched transsexual summer what Sarah did was brave wish I could be like that :( I am going to get the bottle up and make some big hints and then just come out with it I think.... what sort of hint should I give Idears please lol
awww little man is not very well today he is full of cold so calpol and bed for him, today has been a little up and down ;) but fun I am finding out very quick how thing work.... on a down side I have started smoking again and need to stop soon as I cant smoke and continue doing what I am now... on a other note its so bloody close to xmas its starting to get worrying as our phone are cut off the car tax is up and we are so short of cash its unreal :( but on a better note #my transsexual summeris on tonight its a must watch so if you have not seen it well bloody well switch your tv on and watch it :)
Here is the link to the program last night as asked for :)
wow after last nights program on c4 my blog got pounded lucky blog lol, I do think this was very good for anyone who did not catch it you will find it on c4 catch up go take a look... well got to get ready lots to do today.... school run first.....
I have just watched the first part of a program on c4 called My Transsexual summer its made me feel like I need to move on more I don't want to stay like this any more, and why should I there is only a couple of things stopping me being happy one is my daughter and my family, I am not sure what to do about this and I know its all going to come out very soon, and I need it to come from me not from other people I know this could happen at any time to tell the truth I don't think I can hide a couple of things any longer :) and I will not strap them down for any one... boobs that is lol... there is one other thing and that's my partner I need to think of her too in all this and I do every day, I don't get stressed much any more because I am what I am and I cant change that so no need stressing over something I cant change, Just wish I could change my family's views on things but I don't think that will happen any time soon, think firework night will come again this year when they find out... as for my daughter that's a little harder I need to think long and hard about that one... on a nice note my step daughter the other day said to me "I don't see you as a man I see you as a girl" that made me smile... she does know about me.. its funny how an 11 year old can be open about life and an
I have just got a new computer up and running so I can now update :) everything has been going well of late I am still in two minds if I should keep going in this direction, I think I need to haver a good chat to the other half... This is something I need to do but I am a little worried about the effect on people around me I know if I stop I will be unhappy but if I carry on other people could be affected and this is something I could not live with... it is getting imposable to hide things now so I have stopped trying to do so and feel better for it, for now I am going to carry on as normal.. I just want to be what I am with no worries at all I still cant get it into my head why people would be unhappy wish the world was different and people like me could just get on with things but this is not the case you will always get people wanting to put you down... I dont think some people realise that I am not male I might look it but I am not I dont feel it in any way at all.... I do know one day it will end up killing me if this is not sorted one way or an other!
Being Transgender or Gay is not a choice, being Transphobic or Homophobic is, so don't be a Twonk