There you are minding your business having what you perceive to be a 'normal' relationship and your partner has just dropped a bombshell ! There will be a lot of thoughts running through your head right now ! Not least the 'big ones' - 1) Is your partner gay? 2) What will everyone think? From family members to the outside world! 3) Does he want to change sex?
As things go on you will have many other questions, and you won't always know the best way to ask them! Quite often, there never seems to be a right time and you maybe don't want to rock the boat. 'T' partners in general are quite secretive - they usually have always had to be. Boys learn early on that they are different and that keeping the female side of them hidden is the best policy for a quiet life.
For the women who love them, this can be difficult to grasp. Most women are more emotional creatures - could any of you hide a dark secret for many years without even telling your closest friend?
If your partner has told you he dresses, this represents a huge leap of faith for him, and even though you may be confused and upset, please remember that the likelihood is that your partner is terrified. This applies in spades if he didn't tell you, but you found out for yourself - however angry and confused you may be, do try to remember that he may well have had what he regarded as very good reasons for keeping it from you.
Your partner will be thinking along similar lines to you - 1) Will she leave me? 2) Will she tell people and humiliate me? 3) Will she think i'm gay? The key to any relationship is communication - don't be afraid to say how you feel, but be aware that your partner may have never told another living soul and your reactions may well have a long lasting effect.
From my experience, when a 'T' partner is challenged they may clam up. Because of the nature of what is being discussed and the associated fears, the calmer you stay the further you will get!
I would like to stress here that no one has to do anything they don't feel comfortable with. Everyone has the right to say 'this is not for me' if that's the way they really feel. Sometimes this might seem easier said than done - you may have been married for a good few years, have children at home, be worried about supporting yourself or many other reasons.
What I will say is that there are a great many couples for whom one partner's being 'T' is just another aspect of their relationship. No big deal! In some cases it has brought partners closer together, and in others the shock waves have split them up completely.
So where you go from here depends on you, and hopefully there may be some bits and pieces around here that will help you with that. There is no right or wrong answer - to a degree we are all on our own, yet we share many commonalities.
So What exactly is being T ? Hopefully the next pages will help you to understand a little better.